Have you ever met someone and liked everything about that person? Maybe you liked his looks, his kindness, his values, and even his jokes? Or maybe you just simply felt connected with that person from the very first moment? Well, even if he or she happened to feel the same way about you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that person was or even is ready for a relationship. But this doesn’t make him or her a bad person! There might be personal issues he or she needs to solve, wounds that need to be healed, or beliefs that need to be changed.
There were definitely many things I did wrong in my past relationships, but there was one particular action that was the most repetitive, and also the most harmful. Throughout my dating journey from my 20’s to 30’s, I did the same thing over and over again: I rushed things. I was in a rush to find the one, in a rush to feel loved, and in a rush to be in a relationship. Every time I would find a good catch I would want to rush things. It was almost like I wanted that person to sign a contract that would guarantee that he would stay with me. Sometimes this rush of mine even came in the form of asking him questions such as, “Have you thought of moving in together?”, or in the form of negative emotions such as doubt and jealousy. I wanted to have him all to myself. I never realized I was sending my former partners the wrong message; the message of being owned rather than being free.
Luckily, I found someone who made me understand that when it comes to relationships, we cannot force things to happen when we want them to happen. Relationships have their own natural rhythm, and we must respect that.
There are certain things we sure can control. We can control how much caffeine we drink. We can decide what to read, what to watch, or what to listen to. We can even control the thoughts that we think. However, we cannot control someone else. We cannot change, (at least not directly) somebody else’s thoughts or behavior. This readiness we are looking for in our relationships comes with time, and by showing actions of love, gratitude, trust, and respect. Or, it can come when our partner is simply ready to commit.
When we were little, our mothers never rushed us to walk. They never said things like, “You better walk now, or I am going to leave you.” They rather helped us in the process. They let us fall, and they helped us get up. It is in this same way that we should treat a new (and even a long-term) relationship. We sometimes want that relationship to run, even though it just learned how to walk. In my case, I learned that my current relationship needed at least a year to learn how to walk. It needed healing before being able to go on to the next level.
In order to develop a loving relationship, it is necessary to give it the time it needs to grow.
So, before running away or condemning your partner for not proposing or asking to move in together yet, take some time to think. Am I rushing things? Am I giving this relationship time to evolve? I understand that the last thing you want is for this catch to escape, but it is probable he or she will escape earlier if you start putting pressure on things.
So, whenever you feel like you have to force someone to do “X” thing, take a step back, and just let the universe work its magic. Instead of trying to make someone be, do, or act in a certain way, start by being, doing, and acting in that way yourself. If this person is meant to be in your life, only time can tell.
I would like to conclude this post with this thought by Ralph Smart (Infinite Waters):
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