One day you will realize what real love is, and believe me; you won’t want to walk away from it. Love is not about controlling or possessing the other person, nor pretending we are flawless. Love has nothing to do with pretending. True love is about vulnerability. It’s about showing our flaws, fears, and wounds, without fearing the other person will want to run away from us. True love is about talking to someone about anything for hours, including our crazy and most ambitious ideas, and feeling understood. Showing vulnerability to your partner will not distance him, but will make him closer to you.
There were days I would call my partner, feeling anxious about having to go to work. At that time, I didn’t have much financial freedom, and I was working in a job that didn’t satisfy me.
“This job doesn’t make me happy,” he would often hear me say.
He would hold me in his arms every time I was having a panic or anxiety attack, and say, “it’s ok”. I always felt so relieved when I heard him say this. He not only helped me overcome anxiety, but also helped me trust in love again.
The more heartbreak we have experienced in the past, the more difficult it can be for us to trust in a new partner. Even though we might think we have overcome that past relationship with our ex, there will be times when a certain memory will just pop up in our mind. It is then that doubt will want to show up, making us think we will get hurt again. But the reality is that love can knock on your door again, and this time it might be here to stay.
In the beginning, I was afraid my partner would not want to stay with me if he knew about my past and my fears. Well, it turned out that he did stay, and he explained to me why. This is what he said:
“You are like a flower, a beautiful flower in a garden. With time, this garden grows weeds (like depression and anxiety) and the weeds start to attack the flower. That is why I need to take care of you, to help you remove the weeds, so you can be beautiful again.”
And that is what I did. I became a “beautiful flower”, who is no longer afraid of loving or trusting in the idea of love.
And even if our relationship was just meant to be for a certain period of time, I would not regret it, because love has no guarantees. You can either enjoy it right here and right now, or risk losing it with your insecurities.
So now, when a certain thought from the past comes to my mind, and weeds start to grow again, I say to myself “I am not that person anymore.”
By telling the truth and communicating openly with my partner, our relationship has grown in wonderful ways. And in the same way he supports me in becoming my best self, I support him in becoming the person he wants to be.
You don’t necessarily need a relationship in order to heal or feel whole. But having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn’t see them as tragedies, but instead as part of your story, is one of the most relieving feelings in the world.