I recently finished reading The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, and it has become part of my everyday life. Let Them is about accepting people as they are and loving them without controlling or judging.
The first time I used The Let Them Theory was with two friends. These friends are always complaining about something: the weather, their mothers-in-law, the health system, their bosses, and even the delivery guy. That day, when the complaints started to come, instead of getting annoyed at them, I heard a voice in the back of my mind that said, “Let Them.” And it immediately brought me peace. It was so powerful. I was able to enjoy my coffee and listen to them without getting upset or rolling my eyes.
Although it’s simple, the theory is not easy. There have been times when I’ve tried to use it, and I just couldn’t. Like this time when a friend said something about my son that I didn’t like. At first, I Let Her express her opinion, but a few days later, I confronted her and we got into a fight. It got so big that we ended our friendship.
Mel Robbins says that when a person is important to you, you’ll be more likely to Let Them. Maybe this friendship wasn’t that important to me. Now that I come to think about it, it was suffocating, and it wasn’t based on respect. After we stopped talking, I felt so much peace, and I got a bunch of free time back.
The other part of the theory is Let Me. This is when you take responsibility for what just happened and what you do next. Let Me is self-awareness and personal responsibility.
Let Me stand up for my family and values. Let Me end this friendship.
Another time I used Let Me was for my son’s two-year party. Friends think I’m too organised and that I go overboard when it comes to birthday parties. We live in the Netherlands, where birthday parties consist of a store-bought cake and simple snacks, such as sticks of carrots, chips, and some cheese.
While planning my son’s birthday party, I realised the menu was long and elaborate. I stopped to ask myself if this long menu was to impress guests, and if the answer was yes, I was willing to trim the menu and Let Them (think there aren’t many food options).
But I did want to have many food options. I wanted my son to have cake, cupcakes, gelatin, fruit, sandwiches, piñata, candy, and more. I’m Mexican, so I can’t help it. I love food, and I enjoy planning.
So, Let Them think I’m overdoing it. Let Me throw an amazing party.
My son’s party was amazing, and the kids had a blast. I was happy and proud of myself. This time, I only invited the people who have been the closest to my son. I didn’t need to invite the whole neighbourhood. Let Them think they were not invited.
The sooner you start using the theory, the sooner you’ll create an extraordinary life. In the past, I have taken on projects I wasn’t sold on, or said yes to events when I just wanted to rest for fear of letting people down.
It gets easier to say no when you realise you don’t have to solve people’s problems, and when you trust that they’ll figure it out.
It gets easier to say no when you realise you don’t have to solve people’s problems, and when you trust that they’ll figure it out.
Let Them think I’m not a supportive friend. Let Me work on the projects I want.
The theory has also positively impacted my marriage. I no longer get upset about my husband getting up late. He is an excellent husband in so many ways. He helps with chores in the house, and he always has my back. He is kind, funny, and loving. Shortly put, he’s my best friend.
I’ve stopped bitching about him getting up late on workdays. It’s not my responsibility to make sure he gets to work on time. Let Him get up late.
I could go on and give examples of how I’ve used The Let Them Theory, but this post would be endless. In short, the theory has helped me regain time. The time I was using to fix and please people, or to judge and worry, is now being used on things that matter to me. I’m happier with my decisions, and what people say or think doesn’t occupy a lot of space in my mind. No wonder people get the phrase tattooed; it’s such a life-changing approach. Have you read the book? If so, let me know in the comments how it has impacted your life.
Book mentioned in this post:
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